So last night I was talking with my cousin, who also happens to be my trainer, explaining to him how frustrated I have been with running lately. He totally understood and reminded me that I have not been consistently training for quite some time. So even when I do start training again I cannot just pick back up like I never stopped in the first place. We came to the decision that I needed to just start over both physically and mentally.
I have become so mentally weak that I will set little goals to “help me” get through the workout but in reality they are simply limiting me. When I set out for a short run I’ll think “okay, have to make it to the one mile mark before I walk” and so when I get there I’ll be proud I accomplished that and then I’ll walk even if physically I could have kept on running. In my longer runs however, I’ll set a little bit longer goals “I just need to make it halfway without walking” but again, I’ll hit halfway and start walking regardless of my physical condition. I have hit a mental rut where I do not push myself beyond what my mind thinks my body can achieve. I am also in denial about the fact that my average running pace has slowed down and I cannot maintain the same pace I used to be able to maintain.
Last night I decided to run one whole mile. Today I set out to run two miles without stopping and I did! Well, I hit one stoplight right between mile one and two which I had to wait at but while running I ran all of mile 1 and all of mile 2. Baby steps! Throughout my entire run today I decided not to focus on or worry about my pace but rather focus on completing the workout. No matter how slow I went, my goal was to run the whole damn thing.
So, here I am, a runner of 5+ years – starting over. I guess that’s another reason I decided to start this blog, I need to put my thoughts and feelings down in order to not be so in my head about things. It’s okay to be slow and it’s okay to start over. This is not the end, this is just the beginning and I cannot wait to see my growth as I get mentally and physically stronger.